Jun 9, 2008
The disadvantage of being the youngest in the family.
I would like to quote Lucy Camden from 7th Heaven (I’m admitting that I’m watching the show every “Holy Week” ever since Studio 23 launched their marathons for the bored and the peaceful), asking “Why am I always the last one to know in the family?” on herself or to Ruthie or to one of the characters of the show. I can’t explain why it suddenly jolted on my mind while eating the fried spring rolls I made - maybe because some fragment or some memory went inside my mind when I was still in the States, living a cartwheel away from Manhattan.
I was waking myself up back then; it was four in the afternoon, if I’m not mistaken, and I had this short nap or something since it’s April cold (Maybe those Americans are somehow thick-skinned since they have “acclimated” or accustomed themselves to the climate that they consider April as hot - but I’m used with the tropical climate so I coined the term “April cold”). I woke up because of some clamor happening a floor below my bedroom, which is the kitchen, and though it was muffled I can still distinguish the two contending voices.
My father and my eldest sister happened to argue about something. It was four, and I haven’t eaten my lunch yet. Naturally, I went downstairs to hunt the kitchen for food but I slowly trekked my way down the stairs to actually hear what the dispute is all about. Too bad they still felt my footsteps; they froze for a moment and my sister hollered my name.
The argument was unfinished, and it was just because I came down for lunch - what a huge dumbass interference. And a huge mistake on my part - I should have at least let them conclude their stand or whatever that is they were talking about, but I’m pretty sure it’s about the affairs of the family. The usual Mom-and-Dad (though Mom’s loud-mouthed figure in the family forced all four of us not to let her talk about problems near Dad) fighting about my meth-crazed brother - the rehab expenses, the house repairs, the tragedies of our relatives (a cousin losing her business after a computer shop robbery, an aunt divorced by her husband, and all the scandals) and stuff that generally revolves around my brother. Though I am glad that my college tuition is at the least of their arguments, I somehow resent the indestructible idea of a hierarchy in the family.
You see, I’m the youngest of all four. I’m seventeen, my brother and two sisters are near or over thirty years of age. I really respect their decisions of protecting me from the migraines of the family, since I’m young and maybe they thought that rebellion might be a result of too much exposure to these headaches. Perhaps, out of fear, they spared me the problems.
But I’m all grown up. I can understand myself practically being the last one to know ten years ago - probably when I was still addicted to Aka Zukin ChaCha and all that cartoon stuff, but now that I’m nearing the legal age - I just can’t understand it. I just can’t understand why they treat me too fragile and too sensitive not to hear the issues on time. Why can’t I be aware? Why am I always shelved, always protected; why am I always the innocent one? Am I even psychologically impaired (a-huh) to be kept away from the mud and dirt?
Does my position in the family - as the youngest (and probably the powerless) - have to do with the awareness of these problems?
I don’t really know. I used to be contented with the drill of averting my mind away from my connotation of the phrase “family problems”. Now, I don’t know. I can’t stop asking questions right now, and I know I’m throwing it on the wrong crowd, but at least I can breathe for a while.
Here at home, it’s my younger sister who is always gets affected whenever there is big a problem (ironically, she’s the black sheep of the family), even though I’m the oldest child. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get affected. These problems are actually fighting for more space on my plate. And yeah, I’m old enough to understand what’s happening in my family.
Ooooh.. mine is the opposite. We grew up with our mom not around(now she’s here). Since I am the only son, problems are all delivered to me. Mostly! I’m close to that rebellion you’re saying. That I there’s a point that I don’t want to go home to see my parents.
i don’t think it’s about your position as the youngest in your family. bear in mind that there are certain matters that doesn’t directly involve you and that involving you might not help alleviate things at all. maybe that’s why they don’t intend to include you in those discussions. but that doesn’t mean that they undermine your capacity to understand the family problems, etc.
they may just be concerned about you delving in matters that doesn’t concern you.
anyways, you must be old enough to smell whatever issues your family may have.
chillax lang jaliboi!
apir!
weird, i find your posts entertaining. and your blog template is way cool. who designed it? was it you?
oh just saw the credits at the end, the theme is by Derek Punsalan. Cool.
Well, ako ang eldest. Alam ko lahat. Specially now. Di ko alam pero minsan, iniisip ko na sana wala na lang akong alam. Too hard to bear all of it. Haha. The Used tuloy plays on my head. Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all. Ok. Whatever. Pero mas ok na ring malaman mo. Your sisters act like other sisters act. I mean yung mas nakakatanda. Kase super laki ng age gap niyo so they think it’s “better” for you to not know. Yun ung protective thing sa kanila. Bakit di ka magtanong? Para malinawan ka. I mean family matters yun and you’re part of it. Even if it doesn’t concern you primarily.
Haha. Deeeym. First time kong magcomment sa new blog mo.
First comment in ages.
I like this blog with the pictures and stuff. Shows your creative side. Pero the menthol-guy thing na name di maxado. Mas type ko seriouslie :D
@Rax: Nah, I thought of that “seriouslie” blog in the toilet. Might as well dump it.
@Eon: :) Entertaining how? Haha.
@Bulitas: Argh, my olfactory senses aren’t working that much in terms of smelling issues. But my antennas MIGHT work! LUL
@Bubog: Rebellion is normal; it’s just a phase. :p
@Christian: The younger siblings usually are the more affected in terms of problems. Not really a generalization, though.
ako ang panganay pero ako ang pinakaisip bata. pero aware ako sa mga nangyayari sa bahay lalo na sa usaping pera. kaya nga ngayon na bum ako, kailangan ko na din maghanap ng trabaho kasi alam mo na baka mapagsabihan pa ako na PALamunin. hehehe
bwahaha! ryt. use yer antennas!