I was shocked that you’ve read my blog.
I was even shocked that you have read a specific post about my being guilty on what I had committed last semester–the inconsistency, particularly. It wasn’t really that good a news. I knew it was a result of the paradox of blogging privately; no matter how hard I try to protect names or make things private, people can still read them (the fact that I have published it on the Internet). Including you.
All the things I’m posting here in the Net are true. I’m terribly guilty for everything, but something else must have been going on my mind those months that I completely overlooked you. I completely discarded you from my life.
But I think I’ve made the right decision. I’m sorry if I was super numb and was too dispassionate about commitment.
The confrontation we had in the bathroom (no, we are not naked–we just talked in the bathroom since my roommate can overhear our conversation even if he kept on playing Armor for Sleep songs) was something new. We never had anything taken so seriously.
As of the moment, I didn’t have any regret with anything. I’ve been thinking of it for months and I know it’s a right decision–no matter how self-centered, conceited my reasons were–to leave you. I’ve made up my mind.
I hate myself for letting you fall for me. I hate myself seeing you in that very pit, drowning, and I even hate myself for leaving you just like that. I’m numb and dumb, selfish and egoistic.
I respect your right to be furious, but I hope you would also consider cherishing (or at least remembering) the times we have spent together as friends. I just hope that whenever our eyes met around the campus, you wouldn’t avert your eyes from me. I want to know we’re cool after all these things. But I know your rage against me is simply insuperable.
“Haven’t you ever thought of me and my feelings and what those things you’ve done had affected me in ways?”
No, I haven’t thought of it. I haven’t thought or considered anything actually, and you could call me crazy anytime and anywhere you want.
March 26, 2009 at 10:51 pm, filed under Baaaack then, IRLs, Slang and random. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.
I hate myself for letting you fall for me.
this just hit me
hahahaha
no like seriously anak
is this true?
cos if it is
lagot ka.
True??? Sounds like fiction but never can tell….
this entry is so wawsabaw. LOL!!
lagot. tsk tsk tsk.
is it her that might avert her eyes on you or is it YOU who will avert your eyes on her?
if you get patch things up by serious talk, then by all means, do so. by the looks of it, i think it’s worth saving. or is it?
*if you get to patch things up…
You should really talk things first before going “numb”. I mean, if you cherish this friendship with her, at least you’re having some thoughts of, well, talking with her and be on good terms again.
Good luck.
Ay, hindi ko kinaya ang blog post na ito. Ayos lang yan para sa gerlaloo, dickhead ka naman daw. :D
@Hener: Sang banda? :O
@Poyt: LOL I know right.
@Deranged: I think the talk in the bathroom’s enough.
@Lio: The friendship is worth the saving, really, and honestly.
@Tara: This is true. It’s categorized below “true-to-life” stories. :P Heh. It kinda sucks that it’s true.
@Xienah: O diba, may ganon! Hahaaaaa.
Sucks big time, hope all is well now!
haaay. tagos.sapul.
haha. hello kevin, still remember me? probably hindi kasi i haven’t blogged for a long time na though i still read your blog sometimes. nakakatuwa pa ring basahin ang blog mo. i remembered when you were still in blogger, i asked myself kung lalake ba talga ang sumusulat neto?hahaha ganitong kahaba at kasensible:D gender bias?ahahaha.