Menthol-Guy

I can’t help but think of what it feels to put the edge of my plugged charger on my tongue. Is this weird? Always thinking of the goddamn thing? Reminds me of the movie Crank. Anyway, it’s been a recurring image lately.

One thing: I rarely get headaches. I usually get them from eating fatty foods (the bagnet I bought from Ilocos, lechon kawali and lechon) or with coffee–which explains why I don’t drink coffee that much. With problems I don’t exactly put them into mind, though tonight I’m having a really bad headache.

Why? (This might seem unparalleled, grammar-wise.)

1. I drank iced coffee–must be the brain-freeze, and the fact that it’s too sweet. Why do iced coffees have to be really FUCKING sweet? (Or at least in our local coffee shops. We don’t have Starbucks or any other major cafes anyway.)
2. I smoked a lot of cigarettes today.
3. I’m fresh from a writing workshop.
4. My roommate confided three fucking problems.
5. Stressed (though I had twelve hours of sleep last Tuesday).
6. Overanalyzed things.
7. Still emphasizing the fact that I couldn’t make a critical paper. (If I could, it would be the densest ever.)
8. I must have missed drinking beer.
9. Thinking about the next few days to come.
10. Koreans!!! (I’ll talk about these Koreans next time.)

I’m trying to calm my headache with music from Daft Punk; I feel it would intensify when exposed to Damien Rice or even Vampire Weekend–I don’t know why.

This Saturday my band would be having a gig in a friend’s birthday. First gig, guys! Our band name: Gramsci and His Cultural Hegemony. We’re about to sing nine songs though we’ve only rehearsed five of them. I only do the vocals, fuck me, because my guitar skills are inadequate, thankyouverymuch.

I’m turning 19 next Monday.

Then I’ll be having rehearsals every night since I’m tentatively included in the cast of our play. Playdate: March 17. This isn’t good. Though I’ll be playing a minor role, this is still a royal pain in the ass. (I’ll deliver six lines! You guys should be impressed.)

Come March 9 I’ll be interviewed for the renewal of my VISA. (I’ll be skipping three classes. My bad.)

Papers, requirements, exams, sleepless nights: this shall be the cycle of my life for the remaining four weeks of this semester. Onward, I shall march with bravery and a beer in hand. Onward!

I have six subjects and three organization-related meetings every week. I go home during weekends to get drunk, meet with my friends or cook for Dad. I have stories to be finished, a pile of handouts to read (when I say a pile it’s a goddamn pile), downloaded movies I have to see. I have tons to do, tons to think about, tons and tons of things to do and things to think about.

I suck at time management because I give in to spontaneous decisions. I spend minutes surfing the Net. Sometimes I skip classes. I hate my life. I wish I could graduate and write stories and take pictures and earn money and everything.

Well, I’ve been thinking of moving out of this apartment because it can be a big factor in my procrastination. (Funny, I’m planning to move next door with only one roommate: my cousin, an incoming freshman here in UPLB). Our room’s basically a hellhole with hamsters (I heard my roommate call Sonia; so one of them’s probably Sonia) and hedgehogs. No offense to my roommates but I just couldn’t concentrate when there’s noise, the fact that my course has TONS of readings, you see, and not mere calculations and bone-related memorization. Other personal reasons I shall not post here (though they’re nothing really serious).

My Japanese friend (who lives next door) is about to go back to Yawatahama next month and I’m thinking of occupying his goddamn room. It’s like, I don’t really care if I’m alone. Though my roommates might think of themselves as something bad but I just really need a break. A big one.

Nasa isipan ko ngayon kung gaano ako kababaw pagdating sa pagbibigay ng kritisismo (in literary terms naman ito, hindi basta-bastang kritisismo). Na-reject kasi ang topic kong Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in a Marxist perspective, at naisip ko na baka bobo lang talaga ako. Hindi lang pala basta-bastang kabit dito-kabit doon ang mekanismo ng pagbibigay ng kritisismo. Kailangan daw malalim. Kailangan hindi kababawan, hindi porket anti-Ministry na si Harry Potter ay Marxist na ito, na anti-status quo siya, na may mga kudetang naganap sa libro. Kabobohan lahat ng naisip ko.

Pukingina lang talaga! Bobo ako! Wala, wala talaga. Sa buong klase namin ay ako lang ata ang hindi pinayagan (bagamat inalok ako ng aking propesor na palitan ang framework ko mula sa Marxist at gawing Feminist) sa aking naisip na gawing pagsusuri. Naisip ko tuloy na bobo ako, na kahit na ako na lang ata ang nagtitiyagang magbasa ng mga handouts tungkol sa hegemony ni Gramsci at kung anu-ano pang pag-aaral nila Althusser, Levi-Strauss at Barthes, ay hindi ko naman nailalapat ng mahusay ang mga ito sa pagbibigay ng kritisismo.

Pang-creative na lang talaga ako. Naisip ko pa dati na maganda sana ang Comparative Literature bilang pangalawang kurso! Kapal rin ng mukha ko.

Naisip ko lang magtagalog muna. Ngayon lang.

Ang dense ng mga naiisip kong topic sa ENG103 (Critical Writing). Jusko. Hindi ko talaga kinakaya. Naguguluhan ako. Magki-criticize ba ako ng tatlong istorya ni Murakami at hahanapin ang “binding element” nila gamit ang postmodernism o piliin ko na lang ang After Dark na nobela rin ng naturang manunulat at i-criticize gamit pa rin ang postmodernism at post-colonialism?

Leche.

I couldn’t really work out a good title.

My Canon SX100 IS is just shelved somewhere. It’s a gift from my Mom three summers ago (I keep on ranting about my sister and two summers ago), though I hate to say I actually forced Mom to buy me one. She treats the purchase as something unpractical, among other reasons known to old people. The manual is technically overwhelming, mentioning apertures and focal lengths as if we all had our photography classes, but the experience of having such a “bridge camera”, as my friend puts it (for, he explained, it’s a hybrid between the normal point-and-shoot plus a number of awesome capabilities from the DSLR), is just an amazing ride, so to speak. (A ride, for chrissake.)

I got pissed off when I’ve already caused two pricey Energizer chargers to malfunction. Since then I had to subsist in using the disposable ones, though it’s a good thing Energizer now has their long-lasting lithiums. Anyway, I don’t have subjects to shoot, and I drool over bokeh features, so I want a DSLR. Having said about my Mom’s intolerance over expensive hobbies, well, she wouldn’t buy me one.

It’s just a craving. I know. The lenses and everything aren’t even portable compared to my SX100 IS; I could bring it to bars without even worrying about people who might crush it on their way to the dance floor or something. It’s ergonomic enough for such a powerful camera. Besides, I’m not, and am still thinking about taking pictures professionally (I don’t think I have the balls to publish this).

Last week, before it turns New Year (plus, my Dad bought me some fucking batteries), I’ve decided to revive my old flames with photography. I first shot the fireworks we had and thought of making a Project 365 as prestigious as this.

OF COURSE I’M KIDDING! Helga’s 365 is beyond me, though if you guys know any ideas about 365 (or Flickr users), share!

Mine wouldn’t have a theme, though. It would be as random as this blog. Plus I don’t have a program to edit my photos–I deleted my Adobe Photoshop long ago. It might be a plus for some people, though editing can really make final tweaks and adjustments on a picture before posting it on Flickr.

So here’s a sneak peek of my Project 365!