Menthol-Guy

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I’m Kevin, 18 y/o. Filipino. My definition of cool is something cooler than menthol.

I’m listening to Hale right now and believe me, this is too blue for a night.

Since Thursday I’ve been drinking every night. I get by with a beer each night (though with exceptions–Saturday and Sunday I drank hardcore drinks). It helps you clear things, gives you the heat you need in a summer night or the heat a simple jack-off can give you.

I’m quite sleepy.

I acknowledge these kinds of things when I’m quite tipsy:

  1. I’m an introvert no matter how I deal with people. Even the personality test we took in my Psychology class told me I am an introvert.
  2. I think of stories to write, but what sucks is that the morning after, I completely forget about that something (which I would always believe is something magnificent).
  3. I think of how unintellectual my mind goes when it comes to handling I-don’t-really-know-what, specifically. Critical papers? Rewriting stories? Tolerating the mush of people? Korean fucked-ups throwing garbage across you as if you’re a streetlamp?
  4. With Koreans I have empirical bases. Some Korean guys here in the university play soccer and these boys are just fucking braggarts. They threw garbage as if Filipinos were vassals or something. It’s disgusting, these chinks of a nation (and I’m sorry for Super Junior fans–really, I’m not generalizing). There’s another instance at Jolibee when two Korean guys were hissing at the waiter like it was fine fucking dining. It was absolutely unnerving the way these Korean guys (what Asians!) get around Filipinos like we’re filth.
  5. I guess I’m quite incoherent when I wrote “chinks of a nation” but I guess you guys understand that?
  6. When I reread number four I thought I misspelled Jolibee.
  7. It’s funny how people make an effort to say goodbye to people who says they’re about to go because they want people to say goodbye to them. Do they really have to say they’re going to get something decent before they go? It’s better if you–nah, it’s too mushy.
  8. I have this hunch I’ll be late tomorrow for my interview at the U.S. Embassy for my VISA renewal. This hunch is getting more solid with my tardy records for the past, uhh, ten years. (I started getting late when I was in fourth grade; I even bribed my teacher that my sister would make a cake for her; I lied to her and told her we have this bakeshop named Blue Ribbon.)
  9. Sarcastic smiles and fake hellos. Oh my god, Hale.
  10. I haven’t written my critical paper due Wednesday, entitled “A Critical Analysis of Haruki Murakami’s Tony Takitani (in both text and film media): Post-Colonialism Hybridity”. How cool does that sound.

I’m trying my very best to find the Publish button.

No way, Jose

I can’t help but think of what it feels to put the edge of my plugged charger on my tongue. Is this weird? Always thinking of the goddamn thing? Reminds me of the movie Crank. Anyway, it’s been a recurring image lately.

One thing: I rarely get headaches. I usually get them from eating fatty foods (the bagnet I bought from Ilocos, lechon kawali and lechon) or with coffee–which explains why I don’t drink coffee that much. With problems I don’t exactly put them into mind, though tonight I’m having a really bad headache.

53/365: Headaches

Why? (This might seem unparalleled, grammar-wise.)

  1. I drank iced coffee–must be the brain-freeze, and the fact that it’s too sweet. Why do iced coffees have to be really FUCKING sweet? (Or at least in our local coffee shops. We don’t have Starbucks or any other major cafes anyway.)
  2. I smoked a lot of cigarettes today.
  3. I’m fresh from a writing workshop.
  4. My roommate confided three fucking problems.
  5. Stressed (though I had twelve hours of sleep last Tuesday).
  6. Overanalyzed things.
  7. Still emphasizing the fact that I couldn’t make a critical paper. (If I could, it would be the densest ever.)
  8. I must have missed drinking beer.
  9. Thinking about the next few days to come.
  10. Koreans!!! (I’ll talk about these Koreans next time.)

I’m trying to calm my headache with music from Daft Punk; I feel it would intensify when exposed to Damien Rice or even Vampire Weekend–I don’t know why.

This Saturday my band would be having a gig in a friend’s birthday. First gig, guys! Our band name: Gramsci and His Cultural Hegemony. We’re about to sing nine songs though we’ve only rehearsed five of them. I only do the vocals, fuck me, because my guitar skills are inadequate, thankyouverymuch.

I’m turning 19 next Monday.

Then I’ll be having rehearsals every night since I’m tentatively included in the cast of our play. Playdate: March 17. This isn’t good. Though I’ll be playing a minor role, this is still a royal pain in the ass. (I’ll deliver six lines! You guys should be impressed.)

Come March 9 I’ll be interviewed for the renewal of my VISA. (I’ll be skipping three classes. My bad.)

Papers, requirements, exams, sleepless nights: this shall be the cycle of my life for the remaining four weeks of this semester. Onward, I shall march with bravery and a beer in hand. Onward!

Something political

I am not that political, but the University has taught me not to be apathetic, especially in campus issues. I don’t post anything political in this blog, nor do I write anything political, so in this post I humbly ask your patience if ever my political views are incoherent or incorrect.

A few weeks ago rumors have started to swarm the campus that by next semester, the large class policy will be implemented on all RGEP courses (History, Psychology, Philosophy, College Writing, College English, Speech Communication, among other subjects related to the Humanities and the Social Sciences). If my facts serve me right, the policy states that every class must have at least 160 students all flocked in a single class. Imagine a school of sardines all packed in a single can.

Taking Math11

I took Math11 (College Algebra) when I was a freshman, and though I very much welcome my weakness in Mathematics, I have to admit that its being a large class also was a factor with my performance. The usual joke back then is when my classmates would ask my class standing, I tell them nakaupo na nga ang class standing ko eh, which is way below the passing grade.

Math11 is a three-unit course: a one-hour lecture twice a week and a one-hour recitation class once a week. One of my biggest problems is my lecture class (and, let my problems in that semester be in a pie chart, three-fourths of it I shall label Math11), especially my professor, since he skims his Powerpoint slides and assume that every goddamn student in the lecture hall knows what he’s talking about. He used to say, “oh, you guys know this way back in High School” as if everyone of us came straight from a Science High School. We used to discuss two to three topics in forty-five minutes; when we’re lucky he would solve two hardcore problems on the whiteboard–students at the farthest corners of the classroom couldn’t see his solutions.

So every time I go to that lecture hall, when I was a freshman, I know I’m failing. I’m still listening, still writing notes as prolific as with my other subjects, but I think no matter how thick your notes are in Math, it’s useless if you don’t understand the basics. I drag my feet to that subject (sometimes I skip the class, especially after knowing my class standing). Every time I receive my quizzes, it’s a zero. I don’t even understand factoring, dammit.

I asked help from my blockmate who’s performing very well in the subject, but she’s not that much of an effective tutor, though I appreciated her effort. She says “factor this then solve this” like it’s the most natural thing to do. I texted another tutor, a Civil Engineering freshman, but it turns out that he’s quite of a nutcrack (no offense to him, but we argued about the simplest things in life–heck, we didn’t even meet once).

In the recitation class my professor has this penchant for filling the blackboard with solutions. We spend two yellow pads for forty-five minutes, all of those are solutions, solutions, solutions. In the last few months my blockmate and I just stare at the blank yellow pad paper; you’re supposed to know what you did in the lecture class, because in the recitation class we only do exercises.

It’s hopeless, I used to say with a sigh. It’s a painful thing to know that my parents would know about my 5.0 at my first semester in UP (though again, my parents understand–especially my Dad; he got a 3.0 in his Math11 in Diliman).

In a large lecture class, I couldn’t ask questions. When my lecture professor would ask us if we have any questions, I’m sometimes tempted to raise my hand, but the mere imagination of all those 160 students looking at me and asking for a handicapped explanation is very embarrassing.

Half of the class failed the class (as what I’ve heard), including me. My professor’s name became known out of that incident; his name is just so notorious when someone asks me about my professor in Math11 they’d say, kaya naman pala.

I took Math11 again after three semesters out of fear of going back to the perimeters of Math building (until now I hate going there). I passed it because the finals exam (of course I wasn’t exempted) was almost exactly the same with the Pre-Finals. I got a grade of 3.0.

What I think

Large classes can be a very practical way of cost-cutting, but the fact that ever since our batch came it had a 300% increase, why cost-cut? Is the Tuition and Other Fee Increase not enough to cater both quality education and buying new facilities, renovating buildings?

I am after the implementation of large classes in Humanities and Social Science subjects, considering the nature of these subjects, which needs a student-professor interaction, and not just mere spoonfeeding of lessons and handouts. Science and Math subjects are a different case, I think (though there should be a small class for mathematically-challenged, like a special class or something; just kidding). Imagine Speech Communication in a large-class setting; how could a student, god bless him, deliver a speech in front of 160 students when he couldn’t even deliver it with 30 students? (Though rumors say that there will be recitation classes, the same process with Math and Science subjects.) Same goes with all the other subjects.

Also, the junior faculty of both Department of Humanities and Department of Social Sciences will be wiped-out since, to put it simply, only the senior faculty will remain to teach the large classes. It’s probably out of sympathy that I detest this part since my Psychology professor has been having qualms about it for the past few weeks. Sadly, I have to say she’s one of my most effective and competent professors ever (the entire class would have to agree with that, I’m betting my laptop about this).

When I was a freshman I watched Isko’t Iska, a play-slash-musical which demonstrates what it’s like in the university, like a play to give way and welcome the new batch. One of their songs has the lyrics “conducive to learning, U P L B.” For the next set of freshmen, if ever the large class policy will be implemented, I don’t think the lyrics would still fit in their condition.

I’m very much disappointed that some of my classmates, especially my Communication Arts batchmates, are not that sympathetic with these affairs (though I know they do have their personal reasons). They refuse to go to the rallies and fight for the remaining threads of quality education in the University. Think of the next batches; the tuition fee increase happened four years ago, yes, but we should not let this happen.

LARGE CLASS POLICY, IBASURA!

Lapat

Nasa isipan ko ngayon kung gaano ako kababaw pagdating sa pagbibigay ng kritisismo (in literary terms naman ito, hindi basta-bastang kritisismo). Na-reject kasi ang topic kong Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in a Marxist perspective, at naisip ko na baka bobo lang talaga ako. Hindi lang pala basta-bastang kabit dito-kabit doon ang mekanismo ng pagbibigay ng kritisismo. Kailangan daw malalim. Kailangan hindi kababawan, hindi porket anti-Ministry na si Harry Potter ay Marxist na ito, na anti-status quo siya, na may mga kudetang naganap sa libro. Kabobohan lahat ng naisip ko.

Pukingina lang talaga! Bobo ako! Wala, wala talaga. Sa buong klase namin ay ako lang ata ang hindi pinayagan (bagamat inalok ako ng aking propesor na palitan ang framework ko mula sa Marxist at gawing Feminist) sa aking naisip na gawing pagsusuri. Naisip ko tuloy na bobo ako, na kahit na ako na lang ata ang nagtitiyagang magbasa ng mga handouts tungkol sa hegemony ni Gramsci at kung anu-ano pang pag-aaral nila Althusser, Levi-Strauss at Barthes, ay hindi ko naman nailalapat ng mahusay ang mga ito sa pagbibigay ng kritisismo.

Pang-creative na lang talaga ako. Naisip ko pa dati na maganda sana ang Comparative Literature bilang pangalawang kurso! Kapal rin ng mukha ko.

Naisip ko lang magtagalog muna. Ngayon lang.

Ang dense ng mga naiisip kong topic sa ENG103 (Critical Writing). Jusko. Hindi ko talaga kinakaya. Naguguluhan ako. Magki-criticize ba ako ng tatlong istorya ni Murakami at hahanapin ang “binding element” nila gamit ang postmodernism o piliin ko na lang ang After Dark na nobela rin ng naturang manunulat at i-criticize gamit pa rin ang postmodernism at post-colonialism?

Leche.

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67/365: Wake Up Call 66/365: Hi There 65/365: Stressed 64/365: Fall, fall, falls

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